Trigger warning: I’m going to be talking about suicide in this essay. Proceed with as much caution as you need to. I still miss Mikey. It was 11th grade. The day we got the news we just drove around listing to “Brick” from Ben Folds Five. I remember that distinctly. I don’t remember much else […]

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Divinity is unknown. The divine may be experienced in mystical ways, but it is an experience of the divine, not an experience with the divine. And that with is what I crave. I know god in some cognitive and emotional ways, but it’s still an ethereal knowledge, not a physical, real, having coffee with, hugging […]

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On December 8, 2018, something broke. The rosary that I have had with me since my early twenties finally gave out. The frayed rope snapped, and the circle was broken. I eulogized my rosary on Instagram, which might seem weird but it’s what you do for your friends. And the rosary was my friend. It […]

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It just happened one morning. I woke up and could hear the seedlings of faith urging the dirt, grime, soil, and rubble to move so that they could feel the sun. Watered from springs unknown these tender stalks were suddenly ready to grow, to bloom, to prepare to bear fruit. Around the time my 15-year-old […]

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I try to get up at 5:30 am every morning for some contemplation and writing. I’ll admit, since the cold set in, and the mornings have been darker and darker, I have tended to stay in bed, under my warm blankets for a few more hours. When the sun is wrapped in night, you want […]

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Something in me pants for you oh Jesus. Somehow, just like a beast of the forest craving and clawing for water in the heat of drought, my innards thirst for youthe living God.  So, someone, please tell me: when can I see this face of Jesus that I long for? Instead, I feast on tears, and […]

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