Relapse

Maybe I need to go back to IOP. Maybe I don’t need an intensive outpatient program. Maybe I need to check myself into a psych ward for a while. Maybe I need more therapy, more medicine, more treatment for my mental illness. Whatever I need, I need something because I can feel myself slipping. I’ve […]

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I Want to Keep Living

Trigger warning: I talk about the desire to die in this post. I also talk about wanting to live. Proceed with caution if this is a sensitive subject for you. Sometimes I want to die. Sometimes It’s just too much. Sometimes life is overwhelming. Sometimes I feel so fragile in the middle of the storm […]

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Suicidal Ideation

Trigger warning: I’m going to be talking about suicidal thoughts in this post. Please proceed with caution if this is something you (like me) live with. I’ve never tried to kill myself. I came close once. The only thing that prevented me from going through with it was the inability to find my dad’s gun […]

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Why do I Write About Mental Illness?

Depression is creeping up on me again. This is more than a case of the Mondays, more than just a blue day. This is the apathy, the slowness of thought and movement, the lies that replay themselves in my head over and over. This is the black dog of depression slowly sinking its teeth into […]

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A Pastor is Not a Therapist

I have all sorts of issues. I have problems that I need help working through. Life gets confusing for me, anxiety and depression dog my days, and I have some self-worth issues that I can’t overcome on my own. I need help navigating towards healing and wholeness, towards an integrated, healthy life. I’m a mess […]

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