Untethered and Lost

I’m not the prodigal son. It’s a beautiful story of grace, redemption, and scandal. A son spits in the face of his father, wishes him dead, and cashes out his portion of the inheritance, taking it away to a far country where he proceeds to spend it all on vice, sin, and lasciviousness. When he […]

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Relapse

Maybe I need to go back to IOP. Maybe I don’t need an intensive outpatient program. Maybe I need to check myself into a psych ward for a while. Maybe I need more therapy, more medicine, more treatment for my mental illness. Whatever I need, I need something because I can feel myself slipping. I’ve […]

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I Want to Keep Living

Trigger warning: I talk about the desire to die in this post. I also talk about wanting to live. Proceed with caution if this is a sensitive subject for you. Sometimes I want to die. Sometimes It’s just too much. Sometimes life is overwhelming. Sometimes I feel so fragile in the middle of the storm […]

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Suicidal Ideation

Trigger warning: I’m going to be talking about suicidal thoughts in this post. Please proceed with caution if this is something you (like me) live with. I’ve never tried to kill myself. I came close once. The only thing that prevented me from going through with it was the inability to find my dad’s gun […]

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Nothing More Than Feelings

I just don’t feel God these days. It’s not that I don’t believe or anything. I mean I have doubts that eat at me, but don’t we all? I’m talking about that feeling of closeness with God that victorious Christians are supposed to feel. In fact, I don’t feel very victorious. I just don’t feel […]

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