Suicidal Ideation

Trigger warning: I’m going to be talking about suicidal thoughts in this post. Please proceed with caution if this is something you (like me) live with. I’ve never tried to kill myself. I came close once. The only thing that prevented me from going through with it was the inability to find my dad’s gun […]

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Nothing More Than Feelings

I just don’t feel God these days. It’s not that I don’t believe or anything. I mean I have doubts that eat at me, but don’t we all? I’m talking about that feeling of closeness with God that victorious Christians are supposed to feel. In fact, I don’t feel very victorious. I just don’t feel […]

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Why do I Write About Mental Illness?

Depression is creeping up on me again. This is more than a case of the Mondays, more than just a blue day. This is the apathy, the slowness of thought and movement, the lies that replay themselves in my head over and over. This is the black dog of depression slowly sinking its teeth into […]

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Regret and Self Forgiveness

Regret is a bastard. The way it clings us to the past, making us recite our flaws, our mistakes, our failures over and over. Regret replays our worst moments like a gif, looping again and again in our mind’s eye. Regret convinces us that if only we had done it differently, said something else, been a […]

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Making Up Adulthood

I am 13. At least, that’s what it feels like in my chest. I perceive myself to be this scrawny, pubescent teenager with big glasses and bad hair. Everyone else in the room is an adult. I’m the only one faking. I’m the imposter. I’m pretending to be an adult, dressed up in my parent’s […]

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