Nothing More Than Feelings

I just don’t feel God these days. It’s not that I don’t believe or anything. I mean I have doubts that eat at me, but don’t we all? I’m talking about that feeling of closeness with God that victorious Christians are supposed to feel. In fact, I don’t feel very victorious. I just don’t feel […]

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Why do I Write About Mental Illness?

Depression is creeping up on me again. This is more than a case of the Mondays, more than just a blue day. This is the apathy, the slowness of thought and movement, the lies that replay themselves in my head over and over. This is the black dog of depression slowly sinking its teeth into […]

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Regret and Self Forgiveness

Regret is a bastard. The way it clings us to the past, making us recite our flaws, our mistakes, our failures over and over. Regret replays our worst moments like a gif, looping again and again in our mind’s eye. Regret convinces us that if only we had done it differently, said something else, been a […]

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Making Up Adulthood

I am 13. At least, that’s what it feels like in my chest. I perceive myself to be this scrawny, pubescent teenager with big glasses and bad hair. Everyone else in the room is an adult. I’m the only one faking. I’m the imposter. I’m pretending to be an adult, dressed up in my parent’s […]

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My Ideal Body

I don’t like my body. You think I would. I mean, I’m almost 36. Aren’t people my age supposed to have this body image thing down? Instead, All I notice when I look in the mirror is my gut and my untoned muscle mass. That and all the parts that jiggle. I don’t like what […]

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