It aint great to be crazy

On Saturday (June 17th) I took my last foreseeable dose of Effexor, which I take for my bipolarII condition. There is a process your body goes through when getting on a medication to stabilize your mood. The same holds true when getting off of one. Please note, I did taper my dosage when I knew I would have to be getting off. Effexor is one of the medications that it is never a good idea to just stop taking. That leads to bad things in your head.

Here is what I’m feeling today:

• My brain is too big for my head. My thoughts seem right now to be swirling and large, unable to be contained by the size of my skull. This is probably the onset of a good session of hypo-mania. In addition to a metaphysical big brain, there are waves of pressure that feel… odd. No pain, just a sensation of pressure starting at my head and washing over my whole body. It makes me feel as if physically my brain is too big for my head.
• It feels like the ocean sounds. So you know that “whoooshhhhhh” sound you hear when your at the ocean or holding a sea shell or cup up to your ear. Ya, my whole body feels like that sounds today. It’s an ebb and flow of nerve endings exploding with feeling and then it recedes. Also, my ears keep ringing off and on. And, I know this sounds crazy (HA!) but when I close my eyes and move my eyes, I can hear them move. Makes falling asleep an… interesting experience.

Basically, I’m recording what’s going on with me as I get off Effexor so that people will know what it’s like: medication effects, mood disorders, the whole deal. It is hard to put this stuff into words. It’s physical sensations, experiences, and emotions happening all over the place all at once. It’s not just some overly emotional state that someone needs to pull together. It’s rough. It’s hard. It makes you feel like you are insane. To devalue that is to tell me that I am even more crazy than I feel.

So, who in your life do you know that deals with a mood disorder and/or medication side effects? Will you take the time to listen to what a day is like for them? No comments, no explanations, no disbelief. Just listen to their words and phrases, no matter how crazy or unbelievable you think it sounds. Listen and let them know that you believe them (even when you don’t understand or relate to them) and you care about them (even when there is nothing you can do for them). Your presence and the space you make for them speaks volumes.

Who do you have that you can listen to this week?