I am writing a book proposal.
I met with an agent and pitched my heart, my dream, my first book to him. He said he was intrigued and wanted a full proposal from me.
So here I am, writing no longer just a book, but a book proposal. A way to maybe see my book in print someday.
As if that wasn’t enough, I’m also writing an e-book. It’s something I plan to give away, but something I am so excited about. In reality, right now I am writing two books and a book proposal. This isn’t just pie in the sky talk. I’m actually putting words down, stringing them together, and seeing paragraphs formed. I am even picking up the habit of free writing first thing in the morning to get the pump primed and flowing with words.
I am writing a freaking book proposal.
My wife is pregnant.
Our son just turned four, and now we have a second child on the way. This is so freaking exciting! I know that being the parent of two kids is going to be so different, so strange, so out of the normal for this single child. But this is a good thing. This is the family that I have craved since I was young, the family I have wanted to be a part of, the family my wife and I are building.
I’m going to be the father of two kids.
I recently finished an intensive outpatient psychiatric program.
It’s also called partial hospitalization. I got to sleep at home, but for six hours a day five times a week, I was at the program doing group talk therapy, individual therapy, and psychiatric evaluation. The program focused on CBT – cognitive behavioral therapy. Basically, it taught me how to talk back to that damnable low self-worth talk that peppers my thinking and berates my heart.
It was incredibly helpful.
I also got to meet with a psychiatrist for the first time. Psychiatrists are awesome. I mean they are doctors that specialize in helping people find the right drugs to help with mood disorders (among other things). I learned so much about my bipolar disorder, and I was able to get a better, more accurate mix of medicine to help me feel stable for the first time in a while.
While I was in the program, I also found an outside, permanent psychologist and a psychiatrist for continued counseling and medication management. Over all, I am feeling for one of the first times that I can live a healthy life even with Bipolar disorder.
It feels so good to be finding health.
Life is in a place of rapid change.
For so long, I feel like I have done nothing but crisis management. Reacting to my illness, life circumstances, and every curve thrown our way. It feels so good to begin to be proactive about life, about my illness, about money, about family, about my dreams. Things are changing, and it is a good thing.
I wonder how this is going to change my writing though. I’ve written from my crisis, from my hard times and from the hard places. But I am more than the hard things. I have joy and security, love and life, dreams and passions. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always know how to write from and about the good things. Hard things offer a certain power and vulnerability to my words. I want to learn how to tap into that power and vulnerability when writing about the joy and life that is happening around me.
I want to write the whole complexity of life, the good and the bad and the mixing of the two.
So, you will probably see the face of these words changing. My blogging is going to grow with me, into this new season of health, joy, excitement, and change. I’m excited to see what changes, what growth happens. I’m excited to tap into other deep wells in my heart, to dig up new words, new ideas, new voices to write my guts out with. I do hope you will join me on my little exploration into the good and the hard things of life. Life is really better when we do it together.