I am having a hard time remembering why I blog. My voice feels so… empty isn’t the right word, but it’s close. It’s not even that I’m wondering why I write. I write because I like writing. I like ideas, and I think words, stories, and ideas matter to humans when other humans speak/write them. I’m feeling meaningless in my voice. I write about mostly theological stuff. I write about my own fears and failings and how they relate to my believing Jesus. But why do I write about it? The last thing I want to be is another stream of Jesus information and/or Christian self-help fluffy statements that sound cool but mean dick. So why do I blog, why do I think my voice matters about theology and spirituality? Here is a list:
I am angry. I’m pissed off that the church has become something that hurts so many. I’m pissed that the church has “theology” that amounts to superstition and folk legend. I’m angry that after growing up in church circles I still had a weak/distorted understanding about what the Bible says is the good news for humanity. I’m pissed that we spend so much time and energy talking about being a leader, dreaming big for God, becoming a better person, doing social good, but almost zero time talking about Jesus. Do you wonder why Christians are painted by the media as close minded, backward thinking, self righteous assholes? It’s because we ourselves don’t get the gospel. We aren’t willing to wrestle with the implications of a God who loves us so much he himself sacrificed his own life so that we could be forgiven of the way we hurt others, the world, and ourselves… a God who loves us so much he reconciled us to himself by getting up from the dead and offering us real, everlasting life… a God who loves us so much he is actively putting right all the wrong our brokenness has caused, and transforming us into the kind of human beings who can and do his kind of work. I am angry that we have traded this rich hope for a pop-theology of self help, egocentric, money hungry, bullshit.
I believe there is a better way. Things may be bad (over all), but it doesn’t mean things have to stay this way. I want to be part of the change. All that stuff that I’m pissed off about, I want to see it reformed, refined, and redeemed. I don’t want my son to hit his mid 20’s and feel lied to and betrayed by the church he grew up around. I want him to ask questions, find truth, and be a part of a Jesus community that is imperfect but striving to believe and be human. I want to give the next generation a better starting point. I want to pass a good faith on to them… and taste it my self. I don’t know what the better way completely looks like, so I process with these posts. I think that good conversation, good ideas, a good vocabulary and words can go a long way in helping us imagine what a better way can look like in our every day lives. I think that the best way we can pass on a better foundation to other people is to ask better questions now. Help our thoughts and feelings about faith have a better frame-work in which to grow.
I hope. I hope that my words will ring true with other people who feel as I do. I hope other people might find a good challenge to the status quo of church culture. I hope people might get shaken up, rethink and re-see our faith, re-see Jesus. I hope I can make more sense out of the feelings and thought I have. I hope I can find my “tribe” and maybe find a bit more home in the body of Christ. I hope Jesus can use my words in his mission of the redemption and transformation of human beings. I hope I can begin to believe Jesus better. I hope I can contribute to art, beauty, good words, good thoughts, and good times. I hope my voice matters because I feel the need to write about this stuff, to speak out and share what I see, think, and feel.
Days like today I may doubt my self, question why I blog, question if my voice matters. Days like today come and go. Either way, I need to remember: I have reasons for writing, for trying to say what I try to say. Even if I’m just writing for my self, I have reasons that matter.
What about you? Why do you blog? Why does your voice matter?